I’ve just read the Huffington Post online project #CLITERACY . I have to admit, as I read the article, I was astonished to discover that the medical profession had deleted the clitoris from the main textbook Grey’s Anatomy in 1947, and that in other literature there was so little mention of what the clitoris actually did (while there was heaps of info out there on how the penis produces pleasure). In fact, it was only in 1998 that Australian urologist Helen O’Connell published findings that rocked the medical world. Through dissection, she’d mapped out the clitoris in its external AND internal entirety, demonstrating not only its immense size (it’s comparable with the penis), but its sizable stock of nerve-endings, far more than in the penis.
I’m sure those findings surprised a lot of people. They surprised me, and, probably because I don’t have a penis, I’d assumed that because of all the hype around male orgasm, it had to be SO much more powerful than female orgasm. Not so!
What wasn’t a surprise was the survey that said as many as 75% of women can’t orgasm from vaginal penetration alone. In fact, only 8% can reliably orgasm that way. I already knew this from anecdotal discussions with other women. However, I really don’t think men know this, and when they’re complaining that their women aren’t interested in sex, it could well be because they’re not satisfied by it.
I loved this quote from Ian Kerner, a sex therapist who wrote She Comes First (great title for a book!)
“Because the intercourse discourse does not privilege clitoral stimulation, many women do not orgasm consistently during partnered sex,” he said. “As a result, many women do not enjoy sex as much as they could, are less incentivized to have sex and also feel ‘sexually broken.’ Such is the power of the intercourse discourse that women are compelled to fake orgasm instead of challenging it.”
There are rows upon rows of books detailing sex positions that seemingly require the flexibility of a Cirque du Soleil performer. But the straightforward advice, “Play with that organ which boasts 8,000 nerve endings,” is somehow too pornographic or terror-inducing to emphasize.”
I love that!
So the fact of the matter is that touching the clitoris (not dry – it needs to be lubricated or it’s uncomfortable) is the way to go. And I really feel that erotic fiction (written by women) can be such a fabulous educational tool for helping couples learn how to please each other. Fifty Shades of Grey – love it or hate it – put women’s pleasure into mainstream conversation, and that’s a fabulous thing! So many women shared that book with their partners.
I’d like to encourage that, in my own small way. Please, if you read my books, share them with your partner.
And do some research into the clitoris. It’s crazy for us to be ill-informed when the info is so readily available.